Yub-Nub

"Ho, ho, ho!" said the pimp calling roll at the morning meeting.

Hello there everybody in blog land. I'm here with my final post of the year. For those of you that took the time to scold me for not posting more often; I'm sorry, but I feel dumb sometimes posting when I have nothing to say. But what the hell, I'll just ramble for a little bit. It's 80 degrees in LA, so I'm not really getting my hopes up about a white Christmas. Christmas is also my step-mother's birthday and to be honest I think she's a little pissy she has to share her big day with a Messiah. It's one thing to share it with a celebrity like Anthony Michael Hall or Tanya Harding, but I imagine the celebration of your birth gets upstaged when people are decorating trees in someone else's honor.

My dog has developed a strut. He lifts his back leg when he walks in what I can only describe as a "Pimp-walk". The vet told me not to worry, he just has Soul. I think it must be the new found confidence he's acquired from being in some magazines. He's also taken to humping other male dogs. He hasn't come out to me per se, but I promise to love him no matter what his choice of partner. I'll also support his right to join the military and receive same-sex marriage benefits.

I don't know much about Star Wars, but my buddy Donald Faison is an absolute fanatic. He showed me that not only did they add Hayden Christiansen's ghost to the end of "Return of The Jedi" in the new DVD's, but they changed the Ewok's song at the end of the movie!! What?! The Ewok's song was he best part of the entire franchise. My favorite part about it was that there was no Ewokese for the lyric, "celebrate the life". If you go back and listen to the OLD version, the song goes, "Yub, nub, eecheek ee wy-wy celebrate the life, yub -nub!" Classic lyrics. It's like re-writing "Let it Be" or that Celine Dion song from Titanic, it's just not done!

My new year's resolutions:
Forgo all exercise (including walking),
Learn to smoke (something thin like Capri's),
Take my loved one's for granted,
Stop washing my hands after twosies,
Laugh at babies who are late walkers,
Pull leaves off trees that appear to be flourishing,
Name the yet to be named voices in my head (something tough like Carl or Kyle)
Be less kind to bunnies,
Floss everything but my teeth,
Travel (but only around my yard and with a light carry-on)
Stop and smell the Rosens. (They're a wonderful family and absolutely compulsive about showering.)

Thank you all for your tremendous support this year. As my people say, "Shalom." It means, hello, goodbye and peace. It's like the swiss-army knife of words. It also means, "Doctor, it still itches even with the ointment." But only in context.

The Garden State DVD is out on 12/28. I'm not sure they made enough in this first batch, so pre-order if you want one early.

Just say no, stay in school, and nobody puts baby in the corner,
Peace and love,
Zachary Braff