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December 20, 2004

Yub-Nub

"Ho, ho, ho!" said the pimp calling roll at the morning meeting.

Hello there everybody in blog land. I'm here with my final post of the year. For those of you that took the time to scold me for not posting more often; I'm sorry, but I feel dumb sometimes posting when I have nothing to say. But what the hell, I'll just ramble for a little bit. It's 80 degrees in LA, so I'm not really getting my hopes up about a white Christmas. Christmas is also my step-mother's birthday and to be honest I think she's a little pissy she has to share her big day with a Messiah. It's one thing to share it with a celebrity like Anthony Michael Hall or Tanya Harding, but I imagine the celebration of your birth gets upstaged when people are decorating trees in someone else's honor.

My dog has developed a strut. He lifts his back leg when he walks in what I can only describe as a "Pimp-walk". The vet told me not to worry, he just has Soul. I think it must be the new found confidence he's acquired from being in some magazines. He's also taken to humping other male dogs. He hasn't come out to me per se, but I promise to love him no matter what his choice of partner. I'll also support his right to join the military and receive same-sex marriage benefits.

I don't know much about Star Wars, but my buddy Donald Faison is an absolute fanatic. He showed me that not only did they add Hayden Christiansen's ghost to the end of "Return of The Jedi" in the new DVD's, but they changed the Ewok's song at the end of the movie!! What?! The Ewok's song was he best part of the entire franchise. My favorite part about it was that there was no Ewokese for the lyric, "celebrate the life". If you go back and listen to the OLD version, the song goes, "Yub, nub, eecheek ee wy-wy celebrate the life, yub -nub!" Classic lyrics. It's like re-writing "Let it Be" or that Celine Dion song from Titanic, it's just not done!

My new year's resolutions:
Forgo all exercise (including walking),
Learn to smoke (something thin like Capri's),
Take my loved one's for granted,
Stop washing my hands after twosies,
Laugh at babies who are late walkers,
Pull leaves off trees that appear to be flourishing,
Name the yet to be named voices in my head (something tough like Carl or Kyle)
Be less kind to bunnies,
Floss everything but my teeth,
Travel (but only around my yard and with a light carry-on)
Stop and smell the Rosens. (They're a wonderful family and absolutely compulsive about showering.)

Thank you all for your tremendous support this year. As my people say, "Shalom." It means, hello, goodbye and peace. It's like the swiss-army knife of words. It also means, "Doctor, it still itches even with the ointment." But only in context.

The Garden State DVD is out on 12/28. I'm not sure they made enough in this first batch, so pre-order if you want one early.

Just say no, stay in school, and nobody puts baby in the corner,
Peace and love,
Zachary Braff

Posted by Zach Braff at 01:06 PM | Permalink

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Comments

hi! Wow. hi. lol.

Posted by: Eugene Morris Jerome (a girl) | Dec 20, 2004 1:08:11 PM

can't wait for the dvd next week! you're hilarious dude, love scrubs and garden state. keep it up and happy holidays.

-from a fellow nj native
greg

Posted by: Greg | Dec 20, 2004 1:11:40 PM

Nice. Funny stuff. Shalom right back.

Evil Best Buy better have the DVD on Tuesday or I'm boycotting that place. When I initially went looking for the soundtrack a few months back they acted like I was crazy. "The Garden State soundtrack? No, we don't have that. We've never even heard of it."

Posted by: erin | Dec 20, 2004 1:11:56 PM

Zach,

Please don't smoke. And shalom to you too, even though Chanukah is over. New York tends to drag it out,so I think it's still appropriate. I'm sorry about your step-mother. Having a December birthday tends to get you jipped as far as presents and praise of your birth. I do understand.

Please let me know about "Andrew Henry's Meadow"

Happy Hols.

Much Love,
Kells

Posted by: Eugene Morris Jerome (a girl) | Dec 20, 2004 1:12:54 PM

Have my babies, Zach. Please.

Posted by: Pamela | Dec 20, 2004 1:12:59 PM

Happy Holidays, Zach! Here's hoping that this 8-degree Ohio weather makes its way back around to you in Cali for a white Christmas :-)

I thought my cat was developing a strut but I think it's more a shivered gate since my furnace is on strike and will only heat once every 24 hours, per a union agreement.

Posted by: Jen | Dec 20, 2004 1:13:57 PM

I love Star Wars, and Garden State. and I love that next week I can watch it whenever I want :)

I hope you have very Happy New Year. You have accomplished so much this year.

Posted by: Kari | Dec 20, 2004 1:15:51 PM

Hooray for postings. I love the resolutions man, I'm totally not going to exercise either. Being fit is too overrated anyway. I'd rather be a round butterball that everyone loves... but hopefully no one will kill me and eat me. Good luck with your dog, I'm sure he'll come out to you soon. It's always hard to come out to the ones you love. haha. Anyway, hope you have a great holiday and everything and you better believe I'm going to be one of the first to buy this movie on the 28th. Rock On Zach!

Posted by: Chinaman | Dec 20, 2004 1:16:42 PM

Yey, in the top 10 for the Woodmister (you know you like that term, ladies)

Nothing much to say exept RELEASE THE FUCKING FLIM IN IRELAND FOR FUCK SAKE!!!

Posted by: Woodz - Ireland | Dec 20, 2004 1:17:46 PM

Zach, I hope the New Year brings you lots of peace, love and happiness. Sometimes I hate writing that because I sound like just a hippie but whatever.

...WHAT HAPPENED TO the "song of the day"
Well, I'll leave you with one.
John Mayer- (and no it's not your body is a wonderland...give the guy a chance.) The song is "Somethings Missing."

Posted by: Janine | Dec 20, 2004 1:17:48 PM

zach...
write to me if you get a chance. i am not crazy, i am simply a fan who is in HS. one of my best friend's b-days is on christmas also...and although shes okay with it, she insists she would get more christmas presents if her birthday was on another day. anyhoo, your dog sounds cool...even if he is gay. sometimes gay people (or animals) are cooler than straight people (or animals). interesting, if a bit sick, new year's resolutions. i like the one about being less kind to bunnies. just cuz they're cute doesn't necessarily mean they're nice bunnies.
i <3 GARDEN STATE and it is on my Christmas list. if i do not receive it as a gift, i am buying it for myself.

Posted by: Allie | Dec 20, 2004 1:17:56 PM

Yippppppppie skipppie !!!!!!!
Soon I will have my very own copy of Garden State to watch over and over again and again!
Thanks Zack
Oh and PS has anyone ever told you, you were dreamy?

Posted by: Krista | Dec 20, 2004 1:18:09 PM

haha yes, Shalom truely is "the swiss-army knife of words". good call.

/high 5\

Posted by: Jill | Dec 20, 2004 1:18:33 PM

Dearest Zach (thought I'd go one uping all that regular "Dear" crap...not deer crap, that's different,

I hope you had a great holiday, were you able to go home to NJ? I celebrated Haunakka (sp?) for the first time with my boyfriend's family. It was really fun, plus, well, extra presents Boo-Yah! I am a practicing Hindu-palian, 1/2 Hindu (dad) and half Episcopalian (mom) they are like Catholics but with a 2 drink minimum. Anyway, I had a question regarding Garden State. Where did you shoot the Quarry scene? We thought it might have been in Clifton, NJ when I will soon be moving with aforementioned boyfriend. Thanks!

P.S I know you are all about supporting good music and you write about it in your blogs. Please check out the song "Funky Little Teapot" by the Debbie Davies Band. It is a great song about a teapot from Ikea, how cool is that.

Posted by: Anna N. Dhody | Dec 20, 2004 1:18:46 PM

No more drugs before posting.

Posted by: Joshua Wagner | Dec 20, 2004 1:19:17 PM

80 Degrees?!!? I wish it were 80 degrees where I am right now. Instead it is freakin freezing.

My brothers are 100% obsessed with Star Wars and when they first re-released it a couple years in some gold edition or something the Ewok song had been changed. That was the only part of all of the movies that I enjoyed and I was pissed. They just laughed at me. I'm glad that someone else is semi-upset too. It makes me feel like less of a loser for caring.

Hey. At least your stepmom's birthday is not the day after St. Patrick's Day. It sucks. A lot. Everyone pretends to be irish and gets drunk and forgets that your birthday is the next day. No fun. But you get a lot of good "I'm Sorry" presents at least.

Posted by: Colleen | Dec 20, 2004 1:20:04 PM

So excited about Garden State coming out. Just saw Closer yesterday, Natalie Portman was great in it. Just taught the word Shalom to my 2nd grade students, along with the holiday Hanukkah. We don't have any Jewish students, so they were excited to learn something new. I have a December 18th birthday and never got a party b/c it was too close to Christmas. Gifts also tended to string together...here is one present for both your birthday and Christmas. Saw you on Ellen, great job.

Posted by: Amanda | Dec 20, 2004 1:20:05 PM

Sweet!
Top 20 I think! I havent read it yet, but I will do that now!

Posted by: Andrew | Dec 20, 2004 1:20:12 PM

I can't beleive you quoted Dirty Dancing! Were you once a girl? This makes me love you all the more! You know in that whole crazed, obsessed fan kinda way. Tell me, what's your favourite line from Pretty in Pink?
Peace out,
Tara
xoxo

Posted by: tara | Dec 20, 2004 1:20:26 PM

Shalom to you too, brother. So terribly excited for GS on DVD!

Posted by: Heather | Dec 20, 2004 1:20:39 PM

Merry Christmas Zach!

Posted by: Laurie | Dec 20, 2004 1:21:09 PM

just read your entry. (obviously.) utterly charmed. happy to realize that behind the witty character on Scrubs is an insanely funny man. take care.

Posted by: priya | Dec 20, 2004 1:21:19 PM

Sir, you are quite the wit, you are.

What kind of dog do you have? I have the ass kickingest black Lab EVA. Cooper Jones is his name and he is certainly a homosexual. However, this does not explain the fact that he tried to hook up with me one evening while I was watching the Simpsons, minding my own damn bidness. This was not a casual hump,this was no misplaced pickle, he was putting on the MOVES, he was. Needless to say I rebuffed his advances in a manner most fervent. Perhaps this scarring experience turned him on to the menfolk.
Now he grins placidly as other dogs try to play hide the salami w. him. Lucky dog.
Please write to me. I am hilarious. deirdrebhayes@hotmail.com

Posted by: Deirdre | Dec 20, 2004 1:21:27 PM

wow i'm like number 14

Posted by: cammie t. | Dec 20, 2004 1:22:41 PM

I have nothing to say! I've posted all my well thought-out comments and now that I have a chance to be near the top, all I can think of is how much I loved the movie and can't wait for the DVD, dig you on Scrubs, thrilled for the many many award nominations you're getting, jonesing for an Original Screenplay nod come Oscar time (wood, knocking) and am so happy you're an actual clever person and not just someone who provides excellent delivery of lines written by others. Thanks for giving all this love to people for whom a movie and a tv show didn't provide enough Braffage. Happy new year!

Posted by: alyson | Dec 20, 2004 1:23:51 PM