September 27, 2004
Too mad to "Lean Back"
Wow, quite a passionate discourse last week on the subject of irony. And all of you that claim that Alanis intended the song to be ironic cause there's no irony in the song... oh come on! Doesn't that sound like Monday morning quarterbacking? But fear not, I will not ever dare to question your Canadian Songstress again.
Onto more important things: I really enjoy washing my car in those "pull your car into the stall and rent our water, hose, brush and vacuum" places. I don't know why, but there's something very cathartic about it. If you've never tried it, give it a try. I recommend going alone, cause if you go with someone else, you're gonna be all in your head if it's someone from the opposite sex about whether or not you should go for the "slow-motion chewing gum commercial moment" and spray them with the hose. So go with someone of the same sex. Unless your gay, then you're stuck with the hose problem again. (no pun intended) Hmmm. Fuck it, just go alone. Why do you always have to do things with other people; being alone is refreshing. Washing your own car allows you to quiet your mind for 10 minutes (or more if you have enough quarters).
I saw an odd thing while there today. A guy was BLASTING the song "Lean Back" by Fat Joe from his radio right beneath an enormous sign that says, "Please Be Respectful: No Loud Music". And the guy who works there walks up to the guy and very politely asks him to turn it down. The guy just shook his head "no". And he did it really casually too. As though someone had asked him if he'd like more coffee or if he swings. As if to say, "No thank you, that request doesn't fit my needs today." I felt so bad for the "guy who asks people to turn down their music when it's too loud" guy. I mean; that's pretty much his only function. It must be hard for him to go home and tell his kids about what I imagine he's referring to as the "Fat Joe: Lean Back" incident. Every time he's out now and hears "Lean Back" he'll immediately get all pissed off. And while all his friends are dancing in the club and yelling over the music, "Hey Juan or Bob or Reggie (no idea what race he was) why aren't you leaning back like the rest of us? It's a really easy dance, all you have to do is lean back. Don't be shy, it's not nearly as complicated as the Macarana, the Humpty dance or the Hora." And he'll go home alone that night cause he was in too bad a mood to spit magic at the ladies and find his kids a step-baby's momma.
I'm directing Scrubs next week. Episode 408. This will be my first time doing it, so I'm pretty excited.
You can officially pre-order the Garden State DVD on foxstore.com. It's scheduled to come out on 12/28. But I'm trying to get in moved up a little bit, so we'll see. It's got tons of really cool extras, commentary from me, Nat, the cinematographer, the production designer and the editor. It's got about 1/2 hours worth of cut out scenes and bloopers and a behind the scenes documentary. I'm a DVD junkie, so it's a DVD designed by a DVD junkie for DVD junkies.
Song of the Week:
Fiona Apple: Paper Bag
A little trivia for you true F.O.G.S': of all the amazing bands and music I was able to get to be in GS, Fiona is the only person that turned me down. (or her manager did. I'll never know if my letter ever made it to her.) Imagine my surprise when Coldplay, Simon and Garfunkel, and Nick Drake said yes, but Fiona (or her people) said no way. Anyhoo, to prove there's no hard feelings, I'd like to share it with you. I still think she's an amazing talent and this song would have been in the movie if I had my drothers.
Favorite Sandwich: the #2
September 21, 2004
Ten Thousand Spoons When All You Need Is A Dictionary
It's midnight in LA. They say midnight's the new noon. I'm tired. Just got home from Scrubs and am still wiping Kabuki make-up off the backs of my ears. Talk about original moments; I think I might be the only person wiping Kabuki make-up off the backs of their ears on a show about doctors typing the word "raisins" into their blog right now. But hey- you never know.
So my big brother, Joshua, wrote a book entitled, "The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green". Check it out on amazon if you have a chance. He's an amazingly talented, funny writer and I think many of you who responded to Garden State - and read - would really get it. Even those of you who don't read will really like it; there aren't any pictures, but the font is pretty, so you might be able to get some entertainment by staring at the fancy squiggly lines we call letters. Then again if you can read this, then you should able to read that. You know when you're walking in some enormous building and you see a tiny piece of braille on a door that says "FIRE ESCAPE". How is the blind person expected to find those little bumps while trying to escape a fire?! I never understood that. I'm so thankful to the powers that be that I'm not blind. I remember when I lived in Manhattan seeing a blind person navigating their way through a crowded sidewalk. Makes you never want to complain - but feeling shitty is relative I suppose.
laser, Beyonce, kibble, nougat, ragweed
k, g, v and sometimes y
Funny parts of a bird:
ring, pointer and sometimes thumb
Things that make wolves laugh:
when I juggle kibble, Paula Poundstone, sheep porn
Answers to questions:
I have no idea how long I'll continue writing this blog. Hadn't really thought about it.
The second song in the trailer is "Love Will Come Through" by Travis. An amazing band.
Answer to a tricky SAT word problem:
B) Jane would have serviced 11 sailors in 4 hours aboard the carrier.
Okay, so i have a couple of beers in me, and I'm rambling a little.
Does Alanis Morisette still perform "Ironic" even though it's been pointed out to her that none of her examples are truly ironic? I wonder. I like that song even if it makes absolutely no sense.
Song of the day: Turin Brakes: "Pain Killer". I promise you will love to drive your car to this song. (or scooter or hover craft or bike or transit bus - actually if you're a bus driver, put this song on and turn it way up and then don't make any stops till it's over no matter how many times people push on that rubber bell strip. They may yell at you at the time, but once the song reaches the chorus, they'll be happy and will thank you for making them realize how petty they were yelling at someone who was just trying to make them happy.)
A friend reported to me that he saw a very, very, very drunk person passed out in their own urine on a sidewalk in Manhattan wearing a Garden State baseball hat. Now I've hit a whole host of milestones this year, but I think this is a pretty important one. I once watched two wasted homeless men in Thompkins Square park wrestling over a "Les Miserables" t-shirt. Now there's some irony for Alanis to write about.
Peace, and well hmmm. nah. Okay love too.
September 12, 2004
Shredding Waves With a Golden Girl
Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. My schedule has been pretty crazy with Scrubs and Chicken Little and now the beginning of Garden State's journey to other continents. I spent saturday morning talking to some very friendly reporters from Australia and New Zealand. This fall I will be going to Europe, Australia and South America during all my breaks from Scrubs.
Again I want to thank you all for all the amazingly nice comments you have posted on this site. I do read them all even though it's frustrating that few of you seem to believe me. Let's try a little game: let's see if we can make it through one exchange of posts and comments without one person writing (even as a joke) "I know you're not reading this but..." Now it's gonna be very hard for some of you who love to post witty things not to write, "I don't believe your eyes are gazing at these words..." But let's just play a game and see if it's possible. I'm not sure that it is.
In this game, you trust me when I tell you I read your comments.
Answers to Questions:
The Kato reference is to O.J.'s pool-house dwelling sidekick.
The song at the beginning over the plane crash is a Hindu prayer to Ganesh. I heard it and thought it was both haunting and beautiful at the same time.
The reason Alexi Murdoch's song "Orange Sky" isn't on the soundtrack is because it was on the soundtrack to a popular show on the Fox network entitled, "The O.C." I haven't seen this program, but as I understand it, it's about a young woman who wants to go to rabbinical school but is forbidden since she is a woman. So she dresses up like a man - wait no, that's "Yentl". Shit. I'm not sure what it's about, but anyway the soundtrack folks decided to leave it off.
Bea Arthur and I spent the holiday weekend boogie boarding.
A great sad song to listen to over and over when you're in the sad song on repeat mood is: Rachael Yamagata, "The Reason Why". Please buy it on iTunes and don't steal it. Not for any other reason than if you're reading this I like you and I don't want your Karma to get all fucked up because you stole a song from a struggling artist.
Peace and love,
September 6, 2004
Ultimate Friend of Garden State, Cary Brothers (the singer/songwriter who wrote the song "Blue Eyes" on the soundtrack) will be playing tomorrow night (Sept. 7) in Los Angeles at the Hotel Cafe. (1623 1/2 N.
Cahuenga Blvd. between Hollywood and Selma) @ 10 pm. If you're around go check him out. I personally think he is a genius and this is a chance to see him in a tiny club before he pops and you've only got nose bleeds at Giants Stadium. On that note, go early cause the club is small and it will definitely be packed.
Ah Labor. We love it so much we gave it it's own day.
While many of you are doing traditional Labor Day activities like attending barbecues, relaxing at the beach and burning animal sacrifices to Zeus, I chose to honor labor by actually doing some hard labor. I've been laying railroad tracks across my neighbor's infinity pool all morning. I had to stop because he started screaming at me for no reason. It might have been because he was awakened at 6am to me singing old caucasian spirituals as I swung hammer to rail.
September 1, 2004
Kites are Scary
Today I bought my Dog a t-shirt that says, "I love Bitches." I've never purchased pet clothing before and I really don't wanna be known as a guy who dresses up their Dog in booties and hats and shit, but this shirt made me laugh out loud. It's even funnier on him cause it's like a tight wife-beater. He looks very buff as he brags to the world about his love of bitches.
I also bought a new toothbrush. I'm very loyal to my toothbrushes, so it's always hard for me to make the switch over to a new one. Me and the last one have been through so much together, but alas his time had come. He looked kind of pissed at me in the garbage can. Maybe I'm reading into it, but his bristles had this judgmental frown to them. I swear I heard him mumble something to my contacts. It was faint and admittedly I have a guilty conscience, but I'm pretty sure I heard him say, "It's on tonight... let the floss and the Calamine know, we're gonna take him out in his sleep." But maybe I'm just being paranoid, they were probably just talking about something else entirely.
And now another episode of Rumor Patrol:
Rumor: They're making a Garden State tv show.
Rumor: They're making a Garden State musical.
True. In all honesty, it's the same music and lyrics as Oklahoma, they're just calling it, "Newark!"
Rumor: Clark Kent and I are the same person; he's just me with glasses.
Rumor: I'm dating Bea Arthur.
Rumor: I saved a bus load of children from certain demise when their school bus careened off the road and was teetering on the edge of a bridge.
True. But they weren't children and there was no bridge. I actually just honked at a bus. To be honest it wasn't even a bus, it was a kite. And I didn't honk at it, I yelled at it cause I thought it was following me. It turns out I was just on an outdoor treadmill... in a park... during a kite parade.
Sleep tight, what the hell it's Labor Day - allow the bed bugs to bite.